Voluntary Slander
by BleedingHeartsoftheWorldUnite
Summary: It actually started when he was channel-surfing a few nights ago, watching yet another show in which they asked all of two questions on a lie detector test, and he wondered to himself why they would waste such a wonderful opportunity. Well, he wasn't prepared to waste this...


Narrowing her eyes, Mindy was unsure who she wanted to kill more between the Mother Fucker and Dave, but so far it was leaning farther from the technical villain and closer to her boyfriend. True, they were both working their way to getting on her shit list (ok, well obviously Chris was already a near-permanent fixture, but he was close to getting his alter-ego on that list as well), but the blonde was by far more ticked off with the bone-head she was dating. Sure, it was the junior mob boss that had cooked up this stupid idea in the first place, but it was Dave that that had not only agreed to this but that had to drag her along for the ride! He was lucky he was so darn cute...

Seated at a long rectangular table in what was more or less a recreation of the dinning hall in the original Resident Evil game (sans the open upstairs balcony) - a clunky gray machine at the end nearest to the fireplace with a chipped metal folding chair facing the side door - Mindy threw an ill-tempered glare at the curly-headed fuck sitting at her right-hand side. Catching on a little late that she was less than thrilled about this, Dave didn't immediately get the hostility radiating from her core, but he was certainly feeling it now. "Why didn't you say that you didn't want to do this?"

Restraining the fist her hand was so desperately wanting to curl up into, Hit Girl merely shook her head, reminding herself that stupidity was not a punishable offense. "You didn't tell me that we were coming _here._"

At that point in time, their archenemy saw fit to enter the room, a rather bored-looking man in a crisp suit just behind him. Seeing that everyone else was in place around the table, Chris looked at the man that had followed him, indicating that he should take his place by the polygraph machine. Once he was seated at the head of the table, the young gradjillionaire took the last remaining place next to Dave, just opposite of Marcus. "Take it away, uncle Vic."

Nodding, the cop glanced over at every respective face at least once. "Name's Vic Gigante, and I'm here at the request of Chrissy here. Even though this is just for laughs," He sounded so grave saying that, everyone looked around at each other in uncertainty. "I would recommend everyone here take this seriously."

"And on that note, let's start with the most serious one amongst us - Big Daddy, care to start us off?" Chris rolled his wrist, pointing over at Mindy's father (miraculously not dead for the sake of this story).

Grunting at the little shit that played such a large part in his death, he might as well have pulled the trigger himself, Damon stood up and shuffled over to the chair, plopping himself down. Strapping him up, Vic and Damon were hissing lowly underneath their breath to one another, basically exchanging sweet nothings of hatred.

"I hate you."

"Do us all a favor and drop dead. Oh, that's right, you already did." Vic smirked.

"Tell me something, uh, detective, is it hard to do your job when your nose is shoved so far up your boss' butt, he has a hard time working the strings?" Damon shot back with a jab of his own, laughing at himself as if he had just told the most amusing joke of all time.

The dirty scumbag ended it abruptly, aware that people were starting to listen in (assuming that they hadn't been the entire time)."Sorry, I don't speak Bitch-anese."

Stepping in to halt the mounting tensions - inadvertently creating a whole new set - Chris looked over at Vic, "Are we ready?" Getting an affirmative nod, the young adult went on, shifting his attention to Damon. "So, 'Big Daddy', do you know why you've been brought here?"

He took a second to study the earnest expression on the boy's face, taking in to account everything that had happed prior to this moment. "To stroke your already inflated ego."

Proud that her daddy hadn't lost his edge, Mindy smirked. Chris, on the other hand, didn't take the comment so well; it showed in the tinting on his pale, albino-esque flesh as he addressed the real reason they had all been gathered. It actually started when he was channel-surfing a few nights ago, watching yet another show in which they asked all of two questions on a lie detector test, and he wondered to himself why they would waste such a wonderful opportunity. Well, he wasn't prepared to waste this...

* * *

Written in part for MaybeIt'sTheVodka (and all the other Chris fans out there, such as myself), and because of my frustration that no one ever asks anything good when they get the chance! So I guess I owe Beauty and the Beast (the 2013 Tv show) and Viva La Bam... Yeah, I was watching Step Brothers...

Kick-Ass and its characters are the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.


End file.
